Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween! Dead voters break to Dems two days before election

In an otherwise bleak month leading up to the 2010 midterm election, democratic pollsters announced today their latest polling data indicates America’s dead are breaking to democrat candidates at an unprecedented rate.  Though enthusiasm for democrat public policies wane among the living, on a generic ballot the dearly departed prefer an unspecified democrat party candidate over any republican at a staggering six to one ratio. 

A further breakdown of polling data indicates major shifts within the dead demographic.  While interest among groups traditionally supporting democrat candidates remains strong, even dead conservatives now seem poised to cast votes for democratic candidates on Tuesday.

Senator Harry Reid said about the development, “I’m pleased with the news, obviously.  I can’t just rely on the voting-machine gremlins at this point. While we have traditionally enjoyed support from the lifeless in prior election cycles, any additional bump right now would be welcome.”  Senator Reid was not alone in his enthusiasm.  The Service Employees International Union (SEIU) reports in a recent press release, “…launching a major get-out-the-vote project to allow for maximum voter participation.”  SEIU representatives said they plan on canvassing morgues, obituaries, and cemeteries throughout the country to uncover any likely voters.  The SEIU press release further states, “If we can find enough dead voters, maybe we can have a positive impact on some of these close races.  If we’re polling within two points on Tuesday, we can win it.”

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is publically supporting the SEIU effort.  ACLU public affairs staff warns, “Any attempts by the far-right fringe to disenfranchise voters will be met with aggressive legal action.  The integrity of the American electoral process must be preserved.”  When asked if the dead vote could help turn the election around for the democrats, an ACLU attorney cautioned, "Referring to them as dead simply plays into the far-right's attempts at marginalizing Americans that don't breathe.  In my opinion, that's a form of hate speech.  Please refer to them as metabolically challenged."

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